Emotions can be self validating
I suppose you already forgot about all the driving around I do for you! Instead, she decide to validate her daughter’s feelings and try to see things from her perspective — even thought she didn’t share the same feelings. And I could understand feeling you don’t get what you want. At the same time she took care of took care of herself.Just because the daughter felt she doesn’t get what she wants, doesn’t make her wrong. Let me validate all of us and acknowledge this is hard [email protected]#!!Clients’ resistance often manifested in behaviors that sabotaged the effectiveness of individual therapy.These observations led to some of the core features of dialectical behavior therapy, including radical acceptance and validation of the client’s current level of emotional and behavioral functioning.A friend of mine has a daughter who wanted to replace her cell phone with a cracked screen very badly. When my friend told her daughter she wouldn’t be able to swing a new cell phone this year, her daughter broke down in tears, sobbing “I never get what I want! ” Part of my friend wanted to slap her daughter and tell her she should be grateful she even has a cell phone.What about the children in Africa who have nothing? ” Her daughter continued to cry and feel bad, but her mother didn’t feed the negative feelings with defensiveness or attacks.Acknowledge and understand where that person might be coming from. Here’s what validation might look like: Your say to your friend, “It’s so hard to date in this town.” Your friend says, “Yeah, I can see where you’re coming from… ” Your friend may not agree with you or have had the same experiences (she met Richard right after her divorce), but she’s acknowledging and understanding feelings. You said to your husband, “Why didn’t you invite me to play golf? ” Your husband felt guilty and defensive, then blamed you by saying, “What are you talking about? This is challenging because we’re programmed to react and engage in the other person’s insanity. If you wanted to go step further you could say, “I can see how upset you are right now. Emotional validation creates the same positive feeling inside, regardless of who’s doing it.Acknowledge and understand where that person might be coming from – even when they’re putting your name on their negative feelings. In other words, if they blame you, you don’t engage. To not engage, instead you must do the following: 1. You can also validate someone and take care of yourself at the same time.
It’s the very important task we have of validating his unconditional goodness, and what he feels, thinks, desires and knows — which then tells him he is “right” in the world, that his experiences are important and that his dreams are valuable.
It’s easier to get angry with a child who is sulking and being stubborn, for example, than to look for the underlying emotion that’s causing the behavior, such as fear.
Second, if a parent is not emotionally aware herself, it’s difficult for her to perceive what her child is feeling.
Validation in DBT refers to offering the client verbal and nonverbal support and confirmation.
The emphasis on validation in DBT grew out of observations in the late 1970s that many clients experienced behavioral therapy as invalidating; this led to resistance and sometimes withdrawal from therapy.